saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
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