and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Randomize
