I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Randomize
