and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
