I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Randomize
