Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I'm too high and old for this...
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
