Swine flu. Run for my life!
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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