i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize
