Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
