My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
