sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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