When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Randomize
