the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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