i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
