my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
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