if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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