Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
we're making bets on your personal life
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
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