I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
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