Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize
