If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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