i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I feel like death gave me a hand job
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
