I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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