Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Randomize
