you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
