can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
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