literally had 100 drinks last night.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
