Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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