i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
