He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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