SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
