i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
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