One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
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