I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
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Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
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You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
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