You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
