I will die if light touches me.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Randomize
