Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
two words...techno handjob
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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