just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Randomize
