Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
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