smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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