Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I wish there were birth control emojis
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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