is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
