Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
