I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
