I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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