oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize