a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
We're using joints as your birthday candles
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Randomize
