They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
