You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
