Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
My balls are so social today.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
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