I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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