apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
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