I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
