I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
