You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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