I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Randomize
