Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Randomize
