i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
