the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
