I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I will pee on everything he values.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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