I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
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