can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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