I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
He did a backflip because drugs
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