I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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