Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
