1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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