you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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