I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
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