He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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