i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize
